


Realization

by dietcokeenthusiast



Series: Her Teacher, Her Emperor [5]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Spoilers, but then ohhh boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 22:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20089894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dietcokeenthusiast/pseuds/dietcokeenthusiast
Summary: Still haunted by nightmares years later, Emperor Edelgard von Hresvelg works up the courage to seek out Byleth. Meanwhile, a reminder leads Byleth to piece together an uncomfortable truth.





	Realization

“NO!”

Edelgard sat up in bed suddenly in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. She clutched her chest, right over that long, jagged scar on her sternum. Her sweat made the sheets stick to her skin. A variety of horrid visions continued to fill her head even as she was torn away from slumber: being strapped down to a table, the knife about to carve into her flesh, children screaming for mercy as their own parents went mad and attacked them, former friends calling her a heretic and a tyrant, her guiding star disappearing under a mountain of rubble...

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she took notice of the familiar objects around her room. Her desk, her chair, her bookshelf, her armor, her crown. Her breathing steadied. “You’re here, Edelgard… just a bad dream…” she whispered to herself.

She should have known. When the professor had finally returned from her mysterious disappearance, Edelgard had been doing better than she had in years. Her broken heart had burst with joy at the sight of her, and even the simple sound of her voice was a sweet birdsong amidst the seemingly endless winter of war. She was uplifted more than she could express with words by Byleth’s presence, and she found the nights much easier than they had been before.

Yet even that couldn’t erase the scars of a lifetime of trauma. The nightmares would inevitably return.

Edelgard wrapped her crimson dressing gown tight around herself, letting her silver hair spill over her shoulders as she stepped out for her usual late night walk. The halls were abandoned, save for the occasional guard who gave her a salute as she passed down the stairs. The night was a bit warmer than usual, the breeze not quite as harsh against her damp skin as it often was. The pleasant night was enough to make her forget, just a little bit, about her nightmares.

Until she arrived at that familiar door.

Edelgard stared at it. Over the years, she had learned to at least cope with the nightmares that came to her. She had no choice. Still, it weighed on her. When they came for several days in a row, she found herself absolutely exhausted. Then there was the simple fact the reliving all of those memories  _ hurt _ .

Given all that, she had thought back to what Byleth had told her. How whenever the nightmares came, she could always seek her out. It had been so long ago now, but Byleth had remembered her promise about the reunion, after all.

_ You are Emperor, Edelgard. You should not be relying on others. _

Edelgard walked towards the door.

_ Do you truly think her promise would still hold up after all this time? _

She hesitated,closing her eyes for a moment.

_ It is the middle of the night! _

Taking one last deep breath for courage, Edelgard knocked on the door.

Some moments passed. Edelgard might almost have walked away if she didn’t hear the sound of a chair being knocked over. Edelgard’s heart skipped a beat when Byleth finally opened the door, even though she still appeared to be half asleep. Her nightgown hung off one of her shoulders, and she rubbed her eyes. “Yes?”

Edelgard couldn’t help but smile slightly. “It appears that you do sleep after all, professor.”

Her voice seemed to catch Byleth’s attention, as she opened her eyes wider and quickly fixed the strap on her nightgown. “Edelgard? Is all well?”

“Things are…” she had to stop herself from reflexively answering that things were all right. “They have been better, professor.”

Byleth nodded. “Is it the nightmares?”

Even after getting past the first barrier of actually knocking on the door, she paused. It was almost as if it was shameful to tell her. “...yes.”

Byleth immediately threw open the door without a moment of hesitation.. “Please, come in, then.”

Edelgard stepped in, immediately feeling her muscles relax as she did. The professor’s room was just the same as it had ever been. The books had been shifted around, and the sheets were a mess, but otherwise, it was the same. Same warmth. Same smell. Same feeling. She smiled, trying not to pay attention to how Byleth’s nightgown seemed a little bit short.

“Can I get you anything? Tea? Biscuits?”

Edelgard shook her head, standing in the middle of the room. “I’m fine, but thank you.”

Byleth just nodded, sitting down on the bed. “Part of me is a bit surprised you didn’t do your hair and get into your regalia.”

“I had considered it. The Emperor always needs to be presentable.”

Byleth nodded. “I think you look perfectly presentable as you are.”

“Oh.. thank you.” She looked down as she felt warmth rush to her cheeks.

“You don’t need to stand, you know. Please, make yourself comfortable.” Byleth pat the spot on the bed next to her.

_ Well, it would be terribly rude to refuse her…  _ Edelgard nodded, the heat in her face only growing as she walked over to sit next to her.”Thank you, my teacher.”

Byleth chuckled. “You know I’m no longer a teacher, right?”

“Perhaps not officially,” Edelgard replied. “Yet here you are. Still guiding me. Still sharing your wisdom. Still at my side.”

“Of course. A five year sleep would never change that.” Byleth smiled. “Did you want to talk about your nightmares?”

“I suppose I should,” Edelgard sighed. “I wouldn’t want to have woken you up for nothing. If I’m being honest, they’ve gotten a lot worse, professor. There’s been more to come back and haunt me. I think a lot about our classmates… our friends… don’t mistake me. I’m grateful for each and every one of you that has stood by my side. I will always wish that the others could have seen the truth of my words, though. I still hear what they’ve said about me.” She folded her hands in her lap, and stared down at them. “At any other time their words are easily ignored, but in my sleep, when I think back to how things were before all this… it stings.”

“Do you regret what you’ve done at all?” Byleth asked.

“No. Not for a moment. The church needs to fall.” She answered quickly. “As much as you prepare to see the people you care about turn on you, though, the reality of it has that much more of an impact.”

Byleth nodded. “Is that all that you dream about?”

Edelgard shook her head. “I still dream of my childhood, if you can believe that.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she suddenly froze as she felt an arm being stretched over her shoulders. Her skin burned wherever Byleth had made contact, and she began to sincerely wonder if this was just another, very elaborate part of the dream.

She must have been in stunned silence for a while, as eventually Byleth began to move her arm. “I’m sorry. It just-”

“No, don’t.” Edelgard replied quickly, grabbing onto Byleth’s hand. She could feel her heart about to pound out of her chest. “This… this is all right. It helps.”

“Okay,” Byleth replied softly, keeping her arm around her. 

“Thank you.” After closing her eyes and just savoring the moment just a bit longer, she cleared her throat. “It was something I thought would stop once the man responsible was brought to justice. Duke Aegir will never again see the light of day for his crimes, not just against me, but against so many others. But once I’m asleep, it’s as though none of that matters. I’m just another experiment for his men to…” Edelgard paused to compose herself. “It still feels fresh.”

“I understand. But you do know that you’re safe here, right? None of us would ever allow you to be hurt like that again.”

“I know…and it helps a great deal, my teacher.” Edelgard closed her eyes a moment, and almost without thinking, leaned her head on Byleth’s shoulder. If Byleth objected, she gave no indication of it. “I dream about what happened to you as well,” she whispered. “How much it hurt to lose you, how desperate I was to find you…”

“Sorry about that…” She replied, the sadness palpable in her voice. “I don’t plan on getting lost again, though.” Edelgard once again froze as she felt the faintest hint of Byleth’s fingers on her scalp, then moving downwards as they combed through her hair. “You weren’t kidding when you said you take good care of your hair, by the way.”

_ That settles it. It is almost certainly still a dream _ , Edelgard decided right then and there. When she softly pinched her thigh to make sure, though, she did not wake. She was here, sitting on Byleth’s bed, leaning against her while her fingers ran through her hair. The sensation was almost overwhelming; it felt so good, and right. It was paradoxical; part of her felt like her heart might explode at any moment, overwhelmed with what was happening; the other part had never felt more content and safe than she had at that moment. Whatever grip her nightmares still had on her was quickly vanishing under the gentle affection given to her.

“Thank you…” she managed to whisper after a period of silence. She wanted to stay in the moment. She never wanted Byleth to stop playing with her hair. She wanted to share all that was in her heart. She knew, though, that there would be time for that later. For now, she would settle for finding comfort for her night terrors. “I wouldn’t ever want to see you lost again…” Edelgard closed her eyes. “I think about the village too. Still the same things. The suffering there…”

There was an odd pause before Byleth spoke again. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” she replied. “Knowing they all died for the whims of a madman makes it that much worse. Then to discover just what Solon had been planning all along…”

The next pause was longer, as if the professor were deep in thought. Eventually, Byleth stopped stroking her hair. A long, long silence followed. As it dragged on, Edelgard could begin to feel Byleth’s entire body began to tense up. “The village… about that.”

Edelgard felt a pit form at the bottom of her stomach, yet she could not bring herself to move from her shoulder.

“The Flame Emperor… you… were there. I’m remembering… Do you remember what you said to me?”

Edelgard had to remind herself to breathe. “I… I had asked you to join forces. To fight Solon. After seeing what he did-”

“Before that,” Byleth said, moving to get up. Edelgard almost fell on her side on the bed. A thick feeling of dread began to creep over her. “Before you asked me to join with you. What did you tell me, Edelgard?”

“I…” Edelgard scrambled to sit up, at a rare loss for words. “You already know what I said…” 

“That you and Solon had worked together.” Byleth clenched her first, back turned to Edelgard. “I’m a fool… The pieces were right there but I hadn’t put it together before. There wasn’t time. We were all swept up in everything that was happening, the battle for Garreg Mach, trying to convince as many as we could to stay with us. But now that I’m thinking about the village again… you were Solon’s ally. All you had told me about how it ate away at you… you’re responsible. You did it.” Byleth began shaking. “Then Kronika… and my father…”

“Professor… you are misunderstanding me…” Edelgard slowly stood up, and reached a hand out to her shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” Byleth said coldly. 

The words felt like a knife in her heart. Edelgard withdrew her hand as though it had been slapped away. “Professor… you need to believe me. My alliance ended with Solon the moment he targeted that village. My intention was always to undermine the church. You know this.” She walked around to look at Byleth, even though she would not meet Edelgard’s gaze. “I take full responsibility for that. It was a mistake. I never should have made any sort of agreement with him.”

“Quite convenient for you to say that now,” Byleth replied, still refusing to look at her. “Since when do you just make mistakes? Since when do you not have a plan?” She sucked in a breath through her teeth. “I know that sacrifice is part of your path. Of my path. But I want to know right now, why they had to die.” Byleth finally met her gaze, eyes brimming with tears. “Why my father had to die.”

“They didn’t!” Edelgard blurted out, emotion seeping into her voice. “You  _ know _ me, professor! There is a difference between senseless slaughter and sacrifice for the greater good! You were the one who told me that! You know that above all else, I’ve been willing to take responsibility for the price of my actions. Do you think this would be any different? That after all I’ve said I would start shirking the burden of my actions here?” Even in indignance, her words sounded like a desperate plea. “I had nothing to do with the village! I had nothing to do with the death of your father! I tried to stop it! You know I did! I hunted down Kronika with you. We fought Solon together. This was even when their power would still have been useful to me! I discarded them the moment I learned their true intent!” She took a deep, shaky breath. “Please… believe me, my teacher. I would never be a part of what they did… I would never hurt you if there was another way…” She looked at the ground. “I… I care for you…”

A long, agonizing silence followed. The only sound that filled the room was both of their ragged breaths. Edelgard refused to give in and weep, even as mixed emotions filled her head. She wanted to curse Byleth for her accusations. She wanted to embrace her and acknowledge her hurt, and help her move forward. She wanted to go back to a few moments ago, leaning against her and finding comfort in her touch.

“...I believe you, Edelgard.”

Edelgard’s eyes snapped up to Byleth. “You do?”

“I do…” she said softly, just over a whisper. “The only time you lied to me, about your plans, I can see the necessity. You couldn’t take the risk something would slip. You have no reason to lie about this.”

Edelgard let out a sigh of relief. “Professor…”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have some responsibility.” Byleth fixed her with a piercing gaze. “They never would have been in that position, to do what they had done, had you not helped them. Even if you would have stopped them, they were able to do it because of you.”

“I…” That hurt worse than any of the other comments.The truth of Byleth’s words were salt on the wound. “You know that I was willing to do anything for my cause…”

“How did this help that cause? How was this sacrifice acceptable? If it’s not deliberate, fine, it is a mistake, but it is your mistake, Edelgard.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t just forget about that.

“You are right, professor… it was a mistake. One I will not make again.”

“I know.” She replied, letting yet another silence hang in the air. “For tonight, though… I would like to be left alone.”

Edelgard’s heart sank. Byleth had never sent her away before, and it hurt worse than she imagined. “I-I understand,” she said, keeping her voice as even as could. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“No,” Byleth replied quickly, turning her face away. “I will keep my promise, Edelgard. I’ll stand by you no matter what. Tonight, though, I need to be away from you.”

“Of course…” Edelgard closed her eyes, a single tear escaping despite her best efforts. “I’ve taken enough of your time. Good night, professor. And… I am sorry.” Edelgard didn’t hear a word from her as she left, and started back to her own room. She cursed herself. As much as she was prepared to do whatever needed to be done, Byleth was right. The alliance with Solon was a foolish mistake, and one that came at the cost of innocent lives. Seeing Byleth hurting so only made her feel that much worse. All she could do, though, was let her tears fall once she had returned to her room, and desperately hope that she could be granted forgiveness.

That night, the nightmares were worse than they had been in all the past five years.


End file.
